Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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