That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
