So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
