My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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