Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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