Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
