belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we're making bets on your personal life
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
