i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize