Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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