i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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