I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
