Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
