This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
