Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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