Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
