Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dignity is for republicans.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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