So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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