So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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