Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
