jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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