You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
