U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
