I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
