Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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