She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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