We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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