So drunk its hurt
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
