We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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