Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I want to fling myself into the sun
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
