billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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