Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
