If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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