I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
