he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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