i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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