Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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