I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
