jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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