I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
