idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
