Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
