so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
sarcasm needs its own font
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
