The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
