My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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