if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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