'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
