there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
