I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
