Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Randomize
