BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
