i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
