looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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