My first STD was from a foam party
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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