I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
