we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
